You Only Live Twice: The Update

Hi gang! I'll keep this short and sweet as it's merely an update to my last post on the history and future of Al Lang Field. Well, I promised once I got a reply from the other St. Pete mayoral candidate, Kathleen Ford, I'd post it. So, without further ado, her reply, two weeks later, verbatim:

Hi, Jim,

I think the current mayor is attempting to enter into an agreement for the use of Al Lang Field. There was a visioning workshop last winter where residents discussed Al Lang Field's future potential uses. No plan has been passed. As you know, the City has a rich history of spring training baseball. There is nothing in our current city charter that protects Al Lang Field (I helped draft such an amendment-see www.stpetepoww.com). I think the uses of our public waterfront should be decided by the citizens. Our beautiful waterfront is what sets us apart from most cities in Florida!

Kathleen

And there you have it. Read from it how you will, because it's definitely, in my opinion, open for interpretation.

Oh, and in case you're not paying attention...GO PHILS!!!

You Only Live Twice?

I was going to write my next blog on the virtues of high-speed rail and why it will be the best thing for Florida since the advent of air conditioning, but while trying to think about how not to bore you with endless prose, I came across something that broke my heart: according to Ballpark Digest, Al Lang Field is now considered the most endangered ballpark in the country. What does that mean? It means the piece of property credited with starting the modern incarnation of Spring Training will, unless something is done quickly, become nothing more than another park.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan of the St. Petersburg waterfront. I believe the idea of leaving the waterfront parkland in perpetuity took tremendous foresight by the city's founders, especially in a time when the only true sign of a "major city" was factories billowing with smoke and water browner than mud. "It's a minor inconvenience to becoming a modern city," was the common contemporary thinking, and not to kowtow to that was incredible. Mayor Al Lang, for whom the current stadium is named, thought that, instead of trying to become an industrial powerhouse, get the teams of the northern metropolises to come to him. He then took a piece of that parkland and built a stadium on what is the parking lot of the current stadium and built Waterfront Park to replace his first brainchild, Coffee Pot Park, opened just 10 years earlier.

Everyone from Babe Ruth to Joe DiMaggio, and Stan Musial to Ozzie Smith, all played on this hallowed ground every March. A total of seven teams called this price of property bounded by 1st St S, 1st Ave SE, Bayshore Dr SE, and 4th Ave SE, home over the course of 86 years. With the left foul line a mere 100 feet from Tampa Bay and Albert Whitted Airport's 7/25 runway about 1000 feet from the outfield wall, its scenery is easily number one in the Grapefruit League, and quite possibly one of the best in the country. While there is no outfield seating (like most Spring Training ballparks in the Sunshine State), the berms along the foul lines are very comfortable and oriented perfectly fine for viewing baseball. But alas, at the close of Rays Spring Training in 2008, the bats have fallen silent.

There are many theories as to why it sits idle today, but what everyone can agree on one thing: the Rays left for Port Charlotte in March of this year for a new spring home. My theory is this: yes, they wanted a new pro stadium on the site, and to me, it seems like the natural progression from Minor League host city to Major League Player. However, a majority of the city thought differently, and the Rays are now looking elsewhere - be it in Tropicana Field's parking lot or Tampa - so the shell of the former icon sits mothballed, hoping to one day have a game played. So, it still sits empty, but with all the amenities I've explained, why would that be? It's because the seating area itself is outdated and not conducive to attracting another homeless team (like the Cubs, who just told Mesa, AZ, to give them a new home ASAP, or they're leaving HoHoKam Park at the end of next Spring Training. Hey, Mayor Baker, you reading this?!?), despite everything going for it. No matter how beautiful the locale, no one wants to play in a dump.

The best thing the city can do is the following: tear down Al Lang Field as it is today. Turn the grandstand to where the outfield is today and orient home plate to face due north; that, right there, will get the sun out of the batter's eyes, plus give everyone in the seats the most spectacular downtown skyline view of almost any ballpark (what park do you know is a block from the city's tallest buildings?). Build outfield seating, even if it's just a berm with a boardwalk that raps around the entire structure, thus expanding seating. Recruit local restaurants to provide the concessions, giving the fare a distinctively St. Pete feel. Finally, bring Minor League Baseball back. While the biggest draw will be March and Spring Training, people like me who love baseball, while still going to Rays games religiously, would want to take in a Saturday night ballgame on a day when the Rays are out of town; they could easily work out a schedule that wouldn't conflict too much between the two organizations, even if they are separate teams. Just don't let it disappear.

The current mayoral race here in St. Petersburg has a lot riding on it. The two candidates are differing on many key issues, from policing to how to handle a new stadium for the Rays. However, what has never been brought up in the debates is how they will handle Al Lang Field. I recently e-mailed both candidates for mayor and asked what they intend to do with sacred ground. Bill Foster plans to have an "Asian Major League" team train here alongside the MLB (which makes sense since the Grapefruit League now only has 15 members with the departure of the Reds for Goodyear, AZ, this coming year), and having Canadian and European teams fill the rest of the year. As he told me in an e-mail from 10/15:

"I am already working on this, and have great interest from a major league team from Korea, and the Canadian National team is already on board. Once Korea comes on board, a team from Japan can't be too far behind."

This could be a promising - and interesting - idea. My only question is how many people will actually come to Florida from Korea in March, and how many Canadians will actually come down in the heat of August? Getting anyone that's never heard of St. Pete to come is always a plus, but how realistic is that of an expectation? I'm open to new ideas, but I think we should get the guaranteed money in first before expanding globally. Definitely intriguing, though.

I have yet to hear back from Kathleen Ford's camp. The e-mail to both was sent out on 10/15. If she responds I'll update this post accordingly, but as of this moment, I have to take this as she is too focused on forcing the Rays into keeping the Trop until 2027 instead of worrying about things in her own backyard that can be solved today. I'm open to a future without Al Lang Field, the ballpark, if a reasonable alternative is presented. However, another open-space park is not one of them.

(10/30 UPDATE: She finally responded! See the info HERE!!!)

The loss of an icon, or a rebirth? That all depends on who you ask or what happens in the near future. Even if you don't like baseball, you need to be able to respect the land for what it has come to represent: the beginning of a springtime ritual that has thousands migrate south for 30 days of pleasure. While times have changed, Spring Training has not, and it's all based on the formula perfected on this plot of land by the small sleepy town of St. Pete. Just as St. Pete has grown into the 4th-largest city in Florida, has it truly outgrown its roots that much? I don't believe so, but I hope the the rest of the city feels the same way. Otherwise, another piece of our history will be reduced to a lawn.

Expansion of an Institution

I'm ending my self-imposed moratorium on discussing baseball. It's a sport I love, as Kevin may argue, to a fault. It's one of the things I'm truly optimistic about in life and I can spend hours talking about it. It's one of the common denominators we all, as Americans, can relate to. Whether we love it or loathe it, we all respect it as America's Pastime. Yeah, football is more ingrained into the American psyche now, but that's just dumbed-down rugby. Basketball has Mayan and African origins, and hockey is all thanks to the Great White North. Baseball, whether or not related to cricket in its purest form, is, like mom and apple pie, Americana in its essence.

The love of the game is what makes Major League Baseball the second-most profitable sports league in the world (behind the NFL). Japan has its own Major Leagues, as well as most of Southeast Asia and some European nations. It's a simple game, really: hit the ball, run to the bases, make it home without getting caught. It's how it's done, as well as the length of the season, that adds to the intrigue. The home run chases, the pitchers' duels, the trades: they all make a season interesting. Fans live and die with one of the 30 teams you remain loyal to season after season, as if they were some sects of a cult religion. You learn to hate the warring factions, even if you're not sure why there's animosity, simply because your father, and his father, and his father all did before you. You carry a torch for your mortal gods, no matter how well or how poorly they do. No other sport allows one team to have a wretched day and still be able to join the immortals of October, especially not the anointed football. "Baseball", as the Tampa Bay Rays' marketing department has been saying all year, "is beautiful."

This is why I feel now is the time for expansion into both underserved and unserved markets. The love is still there and people still want to see the boys of summer become our gods of the cult. Minor League Baseball is alive and well in this country, though most of the players aren't under the pretense they will ever make it to the Bigs. Some major metropolitan areas are more than 200 miles from their closest MLB team, and while their MiLB players are grateful to play there, they, as well as the citizenry of those "minor cities", would love to host the real deal. They would love the opportunity to have the Commissioner's Trophy parade down their Main Street - or at least appear for photo ops in City Hall.

St. Pete is the most recent to experience this. Long considered the Birthplace of Spring Training, St. Petersburg joined the "major cities" in 1998 by finally filling the Thunderdome with its own baseball team. It took 11 seasons, but the Rays finally had its first winning season, playoff berth, and World Series appearance - all at once. And while the season didn't include a ticker-tape parade down Bayshore Dr, the Commissioner's Trophy did finally set foot on this holy city, the mecca of modern baseball, spring home to the immortals - Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, Musial, Ozzie Smith, Stengel, among countless others that faced them in the holiest of shrines, Al Lang Field. It took 92 years from the time Mayor Al Lang convinced the Phillies and Browns to come to his city in March until his ultimate dream was realized of a World Series being played there, but it truly was worth the wait.

It's time for others to feel that euphoria of each pitch, the joy of each homer, and the overall feeling of ecstasy of a Major League Baseball season. And with that, I give you my possible candidates for expansion. Keep in mind that, due to the current scheduling structure of the Majors, only even numbers can join at once, or else the National and American leagues would need to play each other all the time, and personally, I like the fact they're separated, save three weeks-a-year. Without further ado, here are the candidates for a new franchise and why - welcome to the Majors, everyone:



1.) Hampton Roads - With the exclusion of Las Vegas (which no pro sports team will touch until they come to an agreement over sports betting), this region is the largest metropolis without any of the Major Sports (MLB, NFL, NBA, and NHL). They're chomping at the bit for anything to come their way; in fact, they almost obtained the then-Montreal Expos with the hopes of an expansion to their minor league park would seal the deal. Unfortunately, it didn't, and that team is now the Washington Nationals, a mere 208 miles one-way away. With a worthy investor and a hungry populous, this turns into a gold mine for anyone willing to take a chance.

2.) Portland, OR - This city is the model of urban planning. Its metro system is constantly ranked toward the top of lists year after year and its environmentally-conscious government make this one hell of a desirable locale. It has only one "Big 4" team: the NBA's Trailblazers. The people love them intensely and that rabid fandom would carry over to baseball, making it more than profitable in every sense.

3.) Vancouver, BC - "But Jimbo, didn't MLB just pull half the Canadian teams back to the US?" Yes, but Montreal's biggest flaw was its white elephant, the Olympic Stadium. That place costs more to operate in, even paid-off, than almost every other stadium in MLB. This is why even the CFL pulled the Allouettes out and built them a new stadium. Vancouver, on the other hand, is just as large of a metro, with a large percentage of their citizens being Mariners, not Blue Jays, fans. With over 2 million in the metro area and being the only other city in Canada with professional baseball (minor league Class-A Canadians), this is a perfect fit into the Majors.

4.) Charlotte, Raleigh, or Durham, NC - North Carolina is home to the other three of the Big 4: NFL's Panthers, NHL's Hurricanes, and NBA's Bobcats. North Carolina is also home to nine minor league teams of all three skill sets, and one of the most famous teams in the Minors, the Durham Bulls. The pedigree is there, but are the people of North Carolina ready for baseball? I think so, and it would not be a bad investment to think likewise.

5.) Wilmington, DE - Why would I suggest such a small town, one of only 75,000? It's the same distance from Philadelphia as the Dodgers/Angels, Orioles/Nationals, and Giants/Athletics are from each other. Philadelphia is the largest metro without two teams in at least one sport, and as the Athletics were the American League team in Philly from the time they helped charter the AL in 1901 (the team existed in some form since 1876, however) until 1954 when they went to Kansas City, and the fact the Phillies have almost sold-out every game over the past few seasons, they proved they can handle two teams. Putting it in Wilmington allows enough distance for the fan bases to naturally grow in opposite directions: the southern regions attracted to Wilmington and the northern regions attracted to Philly. The AL/NL rivalry could begin again. The Blue Rocks' Frawley Stadium has enough space to expand into a 40,000 seat field, and with its close proximity to downtown Wilmington and I-95, it's a sure-fire bet they will be profitable.




Considering the most likely scenario is going to involve only two teams, bringing the total to 32 - which works well for the NFL - and the most likely candidates would be one new metro (the largest with the least competition from other leagues, Hampton Roads) and a proven area in search of a second team (the Delaware Valley), the new divisions would keep old rivalries in tact as much as possible while allowing for the new additions. Unlike the "four teams, four divisions" system the NFL uses, that won't work in MLB's case to keep said rivalries and the playoff format in tact:

National League East: Philadelphia, New York (NL), Atlanta, Florida (soon Miami), Washington, Pittsburgh
National League Central: Chicago (NL), Milwaukee, St. Louis, Cincinnati, Houston
National League West: Los Angeles, San Francisco, San Diego, Colorado, Arizona
American League East: New York (AL), Boston, Toronto, Wilmington, Hampton Roads, Baltimore
American League Central: Chicago (AL), Minnesota, Cleveland, Detroit, Tampa Bay
American League West: Seattle, Anaheim, Texas, Oakland, Kansas City

The playoff format would need to be changed slightly, but it would result in only an extra, at most, 3 days of rest for the division winners. With the sudden explosion of extra teams, it would be time to expand to two wild-card slots instead of today's one. This allows more teams to make it to the postseason with a still significantly less percentage-wise playoff ratio when compared to the other leagues. However, the two wild-cards would face each other in a best-of-three, with the winner playing the next team by the same rules as today (#1 seed, except if that team is in the same division).

Now, I'm sure I'll get pushback for my choices of cities that would make it, the subsequent alignment of the divisions, and the postseason arrangement, but if you notice, I picked the most logical choices for all in regards to potential fanbase and overall revenue on all accounts. Also, this is my world and I will do as I see fit.

So, you think you can do better? What would you do, if given unlimited money and power? Which cities would you expand to? Or, would you contract, and if so, who would you eliminate, and why? Can you do better than me? Show me what you're playing ball with!

An Auditory Look at Bond

(Editor's note: While this was originally posted on Nov. 23, 2008, on my MySpace page, I have updated it on Dec. 1, 2012, to include the newest Bond movie, Skyfall. This is only to the list and not the prose at this time. One day I'll get around to editing the rest. Enjoy!)

So, I went and saw Quantum of Solace last night. If you've been living under a rock or in a cave for the last 5 years, EON has told us that these last two Bond movies (Casino Royale came out in 2006) starring Daniel Craig, are not prequels, but a "retelling" of the 007 franchise Ian Fleming so lovingly wrote 40 years ago, and Albert Broccoli so carefully produced for 30 years. I went in with such low expectations that I was just pleasantly surprised that 007 wasn't given amnesia and forced to retrace his steps to figure out who did it to him and take them down (a la the Bourne trilogy, which looks like they're trying to do after the utterly-boring Casino).

However, I'm not writing my review on this movie; as my friend Kevin will tell you, I'm "an idiot with movies". That being said, if you want a movie review, go see his blog. I'm writing today, not about the James Bond we see, but the one we hear. Every Bond movie has some good core elements (something the masterminds of this "retooling" have seem to forgotten...mostly): a suave, cool, and collected protagonist (aka 007); a cliched, yet campy and well-loved, saying or two (quick fact: did you know that martinis are really never shaken? If you did that, it becomes a watered-down mess. Basically, James was a lightweight with his alcohol and tried to hide it!); a Bond girl with a borderline R-rated name (Plenty O'Toole was pretty tame, though); and a really cool theme song for the time frame in which the film was set.

And that last one is the subject of this post today. There have been 23 Bond films to date, and 22 original songs (Dr. No was the only one to use the official Bond theme song as its movie song as well), so I think it's time to do a "Best of..." list. I'm sure there's some out there much more well-known (and better written) than mine, but fuck it! You're here, so might as well do it. Keep in mind, I'm not rating the movies, or even how the opening sequences were filmed; I'm only gonna rate the song itself. So, without further ado:

11.) "Moonraker" - Dame Shirley Bassey (from Moonraker)




Before you quit on this list already, remember what I said: I'm not judging the movies; that's Kevin's job. Mine is to judge the songs, and as far as the theme songs go, this one just beat out Quantum of Solace's "Another Way to Die" for this spot. With the vocals of Bassey, and the down-tempo sensation of floating through space, it fit into the theme of the movie precisely...even if the movie was pretty cheesy. (Another quick fact: Dame Bassey is the only person to sing the theme for more than one Bond film. One more is on my Top 10, but the one that missed the cut was "Goldfinger" for - you guessed it - Goldfinger)

10.) "A View to a Kill" - Duran Duran (from A View to a Kill)




EON has (almost) always chosen acts to do their themes that were super-popular at the time. You had Tom Jones in '65, Lulu in '74, Sheena Easton in '81, and Madonna in '02, so why should 1985 be any different. Duran Duran just came off their multi-platinum album Rio a few years earlier, and were still riding high. And this theme sounded like something that came off that album: lots of synth, big vocals, and a funky bass line make this the epitome of the '80s pop-rock scene.

9.) "Tomorrow Never Dies" - Sheryl Crow (from Tomorrow Never Dies)




Being a folksy rocker chick would usually exclude you from being picked for being the "artist-of-record" for a moment in time, yet she somehow pulls it off well; she doesn't let the big orchestra drown her out and makes sure you hear her loud and clear, yet doesn't strain to make it known. From the catchy hook, to the bluesy beat, this song works.

8.) "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" - John Barry (from On Her Majesty's Secret Service)




George Lazenby's only role was under-appreciated. Maybe that was because it was less action and more love story, or because Blomfeld's actor changed, showing the first flaw with the series. Possibly moreso, it's not well-received because Lazenby chose to leave after this one movie, thereby adding to the psyche that he believed his own performance was bad, so why should they like it; this, of course, was not the case. But in forgoing this movie, you miss a dark and sinister opening theme that fits perfectly into the sentiment of this film. (Now, I'll probably receive the most criticism from this one because some will argue "this wasn't the official theme of that movie." And, actually, they would be right. The official theme song was Louis Armstrong's "We Have All the Time in the World", which was a fantastic song and could be higher on the list. However, this song was played at the end, during the ending credits, and as that's completely out of character with a Bond theme, it won't be counted on this list.)

7.) "You Know My Name" - Chris Cornell (from Casino Royale)




With the "retooling", Bond was meant to be edgier, grittier, and more of a bad-ass and less refined; Chris Cornell fits this criteria perfectly. From Audioslave and Soundgarden fame, Cornell has always been one of my favorite rock singers, and he proves why here. With mainstream lyrics (the title's not forced into the lyrics) and a killer guitar riff, this song can be played on hard rock stations and no one would think twice and crank it up. Yet, it retains the big orchestra and larger-than-life sound needed for a good Bond theme.

6.) "Nobody Does It Better" - Carly Simon (from The Spy Who Loved Me)




Carly Simon has always been an intriguing singer. People still ask her to this day who "You're So Vain" is about (to which she doesn't reply), and it has been used in dozens of movies and sampled by Janet Jackson. Same goes with "Nobody", even though most people don't remember it's from a 007 film anymore. Turn on any soft-pop station in the country, and you can be assured this song is in their rotation. It has stood the test of time because it's not directly about Bond or the movie (though "the spy who loved me" is forced into the song rather awkwardly), and has the same elements of her other music: slightly funky, slightly folky, and plenty of piano. Any song with this much staying power in the mainstream is good in my book.

5.) "Skyfall" - Adele (from Skyfall)




From another Daniel Craig movie, and the third in his repertoire, this theme song, sung by the incomparable Adele, helps bring the Bond franchise back to its blues/jazz routes. It remains a cool, contemporary sound while conjuring up memories of Shirley Bassey, Tom Jones, and Tina Turner. Adele finds a way to make her voice known without overpowering the band, and they work together to create this masterpiece.

4.) "Diamonds Are Forever" - Dame Shirley Bassey (from Diamonds Are Forever)




They say the ultimate compliment is to be ripped off, and that's especially true when it's someone as famous as Kanye West. Some people shrug it off, while most others sue. Dame Bassey was not only was flattered, but she even offered the "usurper" more of her library. This is such a big song, and she's such a big voice, that it's easy to see why West would do such a thing for his song "Diamonds from Sierra Leone". Her powerful pipes constantly fight for control of the song from the orchestra, and it's a beautiful grudge match. Funky, jazzy, and loud, this song is sweet intoxication.

3.) The World Is Not Enough - Garbage (from The World Is Not Enough)




How does a rock band from Wisconsin become one of the biggest bands in the world then become a relic of the Grunge Age, only to come back and perform the Bond theme, which is inherently neither grunge nor rock? That's Garbage, the epitome of the Bond franchise; an evolutionary band pretty much capable of staying relevent in an ever-changing world. I firmly believe Shirley Manson wouldn't be on Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles if it wasn't for this glorious comeback. If you close your eyes and listen to the theme, (as their music video suggests) it feels like your watching a massive Broadway musical; there's enough brass and string instruments to rival the Met, and it's completely over-the-top...just the way any good Bond movie should be.

2.) "GoldenEye" - Tina Turner (from GoldenEye)




Who ever thought that Tina Turner was still relevant enough to be the Bond singer in 1995, 6 years after her last studio album, Foreign Affair, was a sheer genius. She has the look (though you don't see her in the film - another quick fact: Sheena Easton and Madonna are the only two singers in their respective films - Easton seen singing in the opening credits of For Your Eyes Only and Madonna having a cameo in Die Another Day) and the sultry voice to pull it off, and that - like Garbage's 1999 appearance - re-sparked her career at a time when the world thought she was done. You can see how I rated this and every other title sequence here, and I suggest you do. With the funky, sexy, and big song attached, this is very much a shining example of a Bond song.

1.) "Live and Let Die" - Wings (from Live and Let Die)




Can you name any other Bond song so relevant, so fresh, and so remade after 35 years? Large crescendos, sing-along lyrics ("You know you did, you know you did, you know you did"), a great riff, and a former Beatle - what more can you ask for? This takes the typical Bond orchestra, gives it a shot of adrenaline, puts tons of pyrotechnics in the room and ignites them, and still has time to have a Monty Python moment ("and now, for something completely different") by creating a catchy hook with a completely different tempo - in case you're about to make a fool of yourself and bust into air guitar. This song makes every other Bond theme seem like they were created to put insomniacs to bed; it's in-your-face and unapologetic. While the movie was good, though not great, the theme was, by far, the best ever created for a Bond. Listen to your classic rock station; I bet you hear this version in the rotation once in a while. (But don't talk to me about the Guns N' Roses version, that was garbage! Hey, I never said the covers were any good.) The chances of anyone making one to dethrone this theme have gone up with the "grittier", "edgier" Bond, and while I love both The White Stripes and Alicia Keys, EON really needs to try harder to find someone who can do it.

So, there you have it. For shiggles, I'll leave you with the rest of the list; consider them my "honorable mentions" as they were good in their own rights, just not the pinnacle of the franchise:

12. "Another Way to Die" - Jack White and Alicia Keys (from Quantum of Solace)
13. "From Russia With Love" - John Barry (from From Russia With Love)
14. "The Living Daylights" - a-ha (from The Living Daylights)
15. "All Time High" - Rita Coolidge (from Octopussy)
16. "Licence to Kill" - Gladys Knight (from Licence to Kill)
17. "The Man with the Golden Gun" - Lulu (from The Man with the Golden Gun)
18. "Die Another Day" - Madonna (from Die Another Day)
19. "Thunderball" - Sir Tom Jones (from Thunderball)
20. "Goldfinger" - Dame Shirley Bassey (from Goldfinger)
21. "You Only Live Twice" - Nancy Sinatra (from You Only Live Twice)
22. "For Your Eyes Only" - Sheena Easton (from For Your Eyes Only)

What Would Jimbo Do? (An Occassional Feature)

Greetings and salutations, my virtual friends. I'm not feeling myself today, so instead of taking meds or getting sleep like I feel like I probably should, I'm instead going to eat Spinach Alfredo pizza with chicken and bacon, forgo all modesty and write this half-naked, and pretend you give a damn about my ideas, because - as you know - I rock! The way this occasional works is simple: I pick one thing going on in the world, no matter how large, controversial, or trivial, and tell you what I, as King of Everything Existing, Gone, and Yet-to-Be-Created, would do. I promise not to go over three paragraphs for the idea, and you're welcome to pelt me with comments/suggestions/questions - or, if you prefer, snowballs. So, without further ado, let the fun begin!

Today's subject: Making an east-west freeway in Pinellas County - Change, no matter how hard people try to fight it, is good for everyone. Things need to change and adapt to survive, and whole people will try and resist, you need to figure out when the change is beneficial and ignore the naysayers or when the vocal opposition is correct. Here's what I think will help St. Pete, and the rest of southern Pinellas County, become much more conveniently attractive to out-of-towners as it deserves to be without demolishing everything in its path:

Build a 4th east-west Tampa Bay high-level crossing, utilizing I-175 via tunnel from right before 4th St S to a man-made island just east of Albert Whitted Airport, that can accommodate commuter rail. With respect to the high water-table, the tunnel can be built the same way as the New River Tunnel is built in Fort Lauderdale so water can't seep in. Charge a toll so the Sunshine Skyway Bridge doesn't suffer from "shunpiking", but something reasonable to make it attractive ($2 eastbound only), and have it connect to I-75 near Apollo Beach. Remove the exit at 6th St, use that space to build a westbound exit to 8th St, and have exits to 4th St (EB) and 3rd St (WB) (a la Boston's Big Dig) to the west of the bridge.

Extend I-175 westward toward the beaches along the 5th St S corridor. Instead of uprooting people's lives, however, use the Big Dig as an example again and bury the freeway under the city. Exits to access this freeway would be available at 22nd St S, 34th St S, and 49th St S, before it turns northwest toward it's final destination. In the meantime, the 1st Ave N/S twins would have access, as well as 5th Ave N. The freeway would reemerge on Tyrone Blvd, which would be turned into a freeway from 9th Ave N all the way to the current freeway-style interchange to Madeira Beach; exits would be provided at today's major intersections: 22nd Ave N/66th St N, 38th Ave N, Park St N, and the Bay Pines VA. Access to others addresses would be provided by frontage roads. The light on the Tom Stuart Causeway would also be removed, as well as raising the drawbridge to eliminate most openings.

There, problem solved. See? That wasn't insanely painful, was it? Again, this is only occasional (read: when I get a bug up my ass), so I can't tell you when or what the next one will be. All I can do is invite you to leave a comment. So, get down on it!

The (Slow Spinning) Return of the King

So, it was brought to my attention that I was a bit of a dork. I'm obsessed with music and music history in what some people (*coughkevincough*....excuse me, something in my throat) consider an "unhealthy obsession". Sure, do I love experiencing music for all its richness? Yeah. Do I enjoy many different genres and appreciate the ones I'm not as fond of? Absolutely. Do I think something is missing from music today, not in its performance, but in its presentation? Yeah, but I couldn't figure it out until recently.

Apparently, though, I'm not the only one like that. Something I never thought I'd say again in my lifetime, but I'm more than ecstatic to shout it from the rooftops: LP (or for the younger generation - oh...my...God, I sound old as fuck! - vinyl records) sales, both units and dollars, have increased more than 120% from 2007 to 2008. This in an industry that has seen a contraction of about 25% year-to-year on its overall physical media (CDs, cassettes, music videos). While those promising numbers are nowhere near the figures posted by the virtual world (1.11 billion digital units to a measly 2.9 million LPs), this does represent a subtle change in how people want to hear the music, not just listen to it.

Let's go back to the beginning for just a moment. Thomas Alva Edison invented a bagillion things; everything from today's X-ray machine you find at your doctor's office to the stock ticker is thanks to him (and contrary to popular opinion, he didn't create the light bulb; he perfected it and made it long lasting so it could be mass-produced for consumption), as well as the "kinetoscope" (the precursor to the movie theater), the carbon telephone transmitter (the part you spoke into on corded phones...do people still have those?), and the electric generation plant.

However, one of his greatest inventions came about accidentally. He was looking for a way to record telegraphs so they could be "read" automatically and transmitted by telephone to the recipient - that an ingenious idea in and of itself - when he found a way to record and play back sounds instead of dashes and dots. There were other contraptions before his, but none were practical. His "graphophone" was born, consisting of a grooved tin-foil cylinder and a stylus. This later evolved, by other forward-thinking people, into the "phonograph", and for much of the 20th Century, it was the only way - other than live - most people would get their auditory pleasure. Whether it be in the form first depicted by RCA with Nipper listening intently to his master's voice (real dog, BTW) or the turntables attached to amps and equalizers of the '60s, the record, for intents and purposes, was king.

We became a car-crazed culture in the '50s and '60s with the new-found fortunes we had gained at the end of World War II, the advent of the Interstate Highway System, and Jack Kerouac's beatnik manifesto On the Road. We wanted to experience the wind in our hair, the sights not attainable on the old rural roads, and the unbridled feeling of being free - all while listening to our music. Sure, we had radios in our cars, but there were plenty of parts in this vast nation that simply didn't have the population to merit such expenditures like a radio station for people who would most likely never pay for their programming. Also, people wanted to create their own soundtrack, not one given to them across the airwaves. So, we tried everything we could to attach our beloved record players into our newly-beloved cars. When they managed to succeed, they failed. The major flaw with records: they skip sections of music when the stylus, which is on the record by pure gravity, loses contact with the vinyl.

Thus begins the dethroning of King Vinyl. Sure, it was slow and, as is always the case in situations where something as iconic as an LP loses practicality, not without backlash. The first practical attempt to make music portable came on the scene in 1964 with the 8-track. This was a popular medium for about 10 years, when the compact cassette - even though first developed before the 8-track in 1963 - burst onto the scene and chipped away at even the venerable LP.


By the mid '80s, the new kid - and new king, having overtaken LPs as the preferred medium of music for the first time since the days of Edison - on the block was now in danger of itself being overthrown by the threat called the compact disc. The CD was the ultimate in portability: high-quality digital sound, thinner size, and - for the first time - one-button pushing to jump from one song to the next. No more pushing fast forward and hitting play to see where you are if you reallllllllly need to listen to that certain song. The CD easily became champ in the early '90s, and stayed that way until the music industry found a way to eliminate the physical medium altogether: the MP3.

As I type this post, I'm listening to my iTunes right now (Yesterday by The Beatles just came on, and London Bridge by Fergie was just on, and All Your Reasons by Matchbox Twenty before that, in case you were curious), so I'm just as guilty as the next guy of buying into the digital media hype. In fact, digital music sales surpassed physical media two years ago for the first time and it continues to explode. The reasons are justified: iPods and other players are cheaper and more prevalent than just 5 years ago, instant gratification of having "that song", and no longer are you chained to buy the whole album - or pay the insane price for CD singles - if you only like one song. However, with all digital media, something magical is lost.

That something is the sound quality and the fidelity. Where the MP3 - and even, to a lesser extent, the CD and cassette - lacks is a process to make the music readable called "compression". It's not an evil plot by the music industry to sabotage the consumer, but in order for you to hear it with any clarity, some of the fidelity is lost. Instruments and sounds are lost in the translation, and it can cause the song to not be heard as it was intended. It's the biggest limitation with the digital format, and the reason vinyl did not, as predicted, die.

This phenomenon proves that LPs are still a viable media. For their clarity and richness, LPs are here to stay, even as a niche. However, all three (excluding the nearly-departed cassette) mediums are, despite their outward appearance of competition, complimentary to each other as all of them serve a specific purpose. LPs are great for their sound and, nowadays, nostalgia and novelty, but unless you want to listen to an entire album start to finish or go to the turntable after every song and try to find the hard-to-see "gaps" signifying the end of one track and the beginning of another, they're not practical.

CDs are great for making up those short-comings, and they're both recordable and portable, too. As any college kid or teenager can attest, road trips are naturally more fun with a stack of CDs; plus, they sound the best in a car since most car audio systems are built today specifically to account for the acoustics needed for CDs. Their drawback is while portable, they're not meant for physical activities like running, hiking, or anything involving great human exertion, since the CD, like the LP, can skip if mishandled.

MP3, while having the worst sound of the three, is the most convenient. You can have seemingly endless playlists with any combination of music you would like and, with a music player, take it anywhere you go. No need to worry about jogging too hard and causing a skip, as it's all digital now. But, what is gained in utility is lost in playback (as discussed above).

I own about 140 CDs and over 1400 MP3s (about 500 or so are from said CDs), and plan on investing in a turntable soon. Do I own any records? No, but with all the garage sales lately with people trying to make ends meet, I can help my fellow neighbors by taking their (gently-used) vinyl off their hands. Also, stores like FYE and Best Buy are getting back in the LP game, with a surprising amount of new titles available on vinyl. (However, buy local and support your local record store; Google it if you don't know where they are. They have great deals, up-to-date selections, and are super-knowledgable on all genres.) Personally, I will only buy LPs I know I would listen to in entirety, but that doesn't mean you should take my advice on that. Hell, if I find Rhythm of Youth for $1 somewhere, I'd spend it just to see if my friends really do dance.

A Feeling Like Floating?

Hi everyone! How've you been? Yeah, I suck as a friend and at anything involving ambition as evidenced by the lack of a blog posting in more than a week. Blame it on my annoyance with computers after being at work on one for 9 hours straight, my constant lack of ideas, or something else, but I resolve to do a little better. It may not be as gung-ho as I planned on - once a day - but I'm going to do one at least 2 or 3 times a week. One day, I'll get back on track. But until then, you'll just have to deal with it.

So, if you're in China (or on The Onion's new staff of great fish mongers) on Wednesday, look to the heavens that the Great Chairman has provided you. Also, bring your pendulum and suction-cup boots with you, because, according to The Times of India - India's, and the world's, largest English-language paper - gravity may actually drop in the area affected by a total eclipse.

You read that right, ladies and gentlemen; it is believed that, because the Moon separates the Earth from the Sun for any length of time, gravity's hold on us is less than normal. "Old wives' tale" or "nut-job conspiracy theorists" is probably your first thought, as it was mine, despite the fact it made it into one of the most-respected papers in the history of the world. "Must be a fluke, I thought," much like the numerous times a caller "Baba Booey-ed" FOX News. However, I did my homework and found this isn't the first time this was suggested; in fact, it's been suggested since at least the '50s that pendulums are affected by the total eclipse. Apparently, the pendulum changes direction violently during a total solar eclipse, and the theory goes as such: since gravity is constantly pulling the pendulum toward the Earth, that constant struggle between gravity and Newton's laws is what keeps it swinging in the first place; because of this, gravity - it seems - must be the culprit to cause those outbursts.

(Side rant: since the most scientific-type of pendulum swings based on a combination all three of Newton's laws of physics and his postulation of gravity, it's a pity it's named after some French guy who used Newton's ideas to come up with the idea the Earth rotates - in 1851, about 2000 years after Ptolmey and Hipparchus figured it out (just so the stupid and brash Europeans could become feudal lords and serfs and forget it until Galileo rediscovered it for them in the early 1600's; thankfully, though, the Indians and Arabs archived those works so they could focus on other things during the Medieval phase, like the concept of zero, perfecting algebra, and universities.) without anyone telling them. Anyway, back to your reguarly scheduled post.)

So, this has lead to the largest test of that theory to date. Hundreds of test sites are set up all over China throughout the "eclipse zone", all with both gravimeters and, in case they don't work like in 1999, backup Foucault pendulums. Since this will be a six-and-a-half minute eclipse, the longest we'll ever experience in our lifetimes, it should be sufficient time to figure out, once and for all, if that light-headedness you experience while day turns into night isn't just you and it really is your head trying to separate from your body.

Therefore, if you're looking for an excuse to not go into work on Wednesday, you can always say you've Velcro'ed yourself to your bed so you don't float off into space. In fact, you can even forward them the link to the story showing it's not just hogwash. However, be forewarned that if your boss has at least some common sense, they'll know the gravity-challenged area of the Earth will be on the other side of the globe from your cushy desk job in Center City and won't buy it for a minute. But let me know if it works; I'll use it for the next total eclipse in July 2010, when it's at least in the Western Hemisphere (Chile and Argentina, in case you were wondering), if they do buy it.

- Photos courtesy of (in order): NASA, flickr, ETFTrends.com, and University of Wisconsin - Madison.

Shooting Blanks

I've been scarce lately. It's not intentional, as I truly do want to write for the 4 people that have bookmarked my page, as well as myself. However, I really am at a loss lately for topics to discuss. I don't want my blog to be a regurgitation of other blogs, which in and of themselves are also regurgitations of others blogs. I don't want to be an RSS-proxy of news topics, either. As my orange juice post shows, I can find (relatively) fresh and original ideas to talk about. In spite of that, I am at a loss lately.

So, it's time for more (in deep movie announcer voice) "audience participation-tion-tion-tion!" With that in mind, what topics can you think of for your man Jimbo? The only rule is it has to have some connection to the Delaware Valley, the Tampa Bay area, and/or baseball. Hopefully, you guys can throw some stuff my way soon!

Extolling Our Independence

So, yesterday was our Independence Day. It's a day when we celebrate becoming the first long-lasting democracy in the world since the Roman Republic was dissolved in favor of making Gaius Julius Caesar dictator perpetuo. Sure, there were other attempts at a government "by the people, for the people," or societies that had some qualities of democracy between 41 BC and 1776 AD, but none of them gave such broad freedoms* to every citizen† as the founding fathers eventually did. But contrary to popular opinion, the Declaration of Independence didn't give us our freedoms; it was more of a complaint-laden diatribe against His Highness, the mentally unstable George III of the UK, and why we needed to kick his government to the curb. The Constitution codified those "truths" we held "to be self-evident;" the Declaration was just the jumping point to plant the seeds of freedom.
(*-the right to vote limited to only White men 21+ years old until 1865 for all races, until 1920 for women, and until 1971 for 18+ year olds;
†-3/5 of a citizen if you were Black or Indian before 1865)

Obviously, freedom didn't come easy, nor was it free from speed bumps. It took a long time to get the hang of this "American experiment" known as a federal democracy. The original idea - and the core argument behind the Civil War - was each State had precedent over the central government; this philosophy was endorsed in the Articles of Confederation. Needless to say, that failed, as we have the Constitution today. Then, the southern states tried to persuade Washington that was still the original intent of the rewritten Constitution and its 10th Amendment:

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.

South Carolina decided that meant if it's not covered in the Constitution explicitly it was up the States to decide (i.e., slaves and secession). Well, that really didn't turn out how Columbia thought it would when Abraham Lincoln called their bluff, did it? It took four years and over 600,000 lives, but the power of the Union - and of the Constitution - remained in tact. Also, an interesting caveat came of it; the formation of a new state from an existing one. West Virginia remains, to this day, the only state formed because of a war.

Maine and Kentucky, however, were carved out of existing states without bloodshed. Kentucky asked the Virginia Assembly and the US House for permission to form its own government and control its own destiny, and permission was given; Maine came about due to the Missouri Compromise so the "Slave States" and "Free States" had the same power in the Senate, but more-or-less, it was the same premise - state wanted self-determination and luck had it they were more needed than they thought. So, it has been done in US history; it's not an unprecedented events by any means, though it is hard to do for sure.

So, in that same spirit, why is it every time either South Jersey or South Florida talk of secession from their states, they are laughed off - by the governor himself, no less? These are people who are seriously expressing their displeasure with their governments and - in the case of South Jersey - how they are represented in the Assembly. Culturally and economically, they are a world away from their counterparts in the north and it's time for them to be allowed to govern themselves.

South Jersey constitutes the counties of (from north to south) Camden, Gloucester, Atlantic, Salem, Cumberland, and Cape May. (Side note: I would be tempted to include Burlington and Ocean counties, as well, but a friend of mine from Ocean County considers himself to be from "Central Jersey", and using that logic, the people from Ocean and Burlington would be less likely to vote for such a proposal.) South Jersey could make its temporary capital in Glassboro (since it has the foreign policy experience and the state university, as well as plenty of access to the rest of the new state with Route 55 and US 322), with a possible move in the future to a more-centrally located built-from-the-ground-up city in either Salem or Cumberland counties.

South Florida, though different from some proposals, would be from the following counties southward: Citrus, Sumter, Lake, Seminole, Orange, and Brevard. The capital pro tempore would need to be either Port Charlotte or Vero Beach, as not to give any one city a political advantage over another (which is why Tallahassee was chosen, even though it is over 600 driving miles from its furthest in-state city, Key West). At some point, a new capital would need to be built more centrally - like near Lake Placid - but only when infrastructure could support it.

Now is the time to rise up and push these movements to fruition. The French didn't let the monarchy run them forever, the Mexicans didn't stay under Spanish rule, and the Indians threw the British out of their land. On this Independence Weekend 2009, let's exhibit the most basic of fundamental human rights, it's the first one they thought of when amending the Constitution: the freedom to protest peacefully. Remember, as Thomas Jefferson once said, "When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty." Let's help the government remember that - non-violently, of course; I'll never condone that - in a democracy, we're in control. We want our own states and will do what we can to get them! Enough of being North Jersey's bitch and North Florida's bankroll! It's our time - it's our turn!

OK, if you read through my political rhetoric that long, you deserve a reward. Happy Independence Day everyone!

Phickle Phoridians and What They Say About Us

So, I’ve had a terrible case of “writer’s block”, which is why I haven’t posted on this blog since my observation on the Supreme Court of Public Opinion case #2009-0618, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, musca domestica, et. al. vs. Barack H. Obama, President of the United States. Sometimes, however, life has a funny way of dropping something so pertinent to you right on your lap you’d be insane not to approach it. Thus, let me finish this paragraph by stating this: Kevin, I know you and I strongly recommend you look away from the rest of this blog now – you know what’s coming.

Tropicana Field: loathe it or love it, it is the home of the Tampa Bay Rays; has hosted, among others in its 19-year history, the following large-scale events: the largest one-night indoor concert in Florida, NCAA Men’s Final Four, the Davis Cup, the NHL Playoffs, ArenaBowl IX, and – oh yeah – the World Series; and, contrary to popular opinion, is centrally located near the population center of the Bay Area. So, why is it people can pack the Trop when it’s a “gala event” (like the playoffs, the World Series, or the raising of the banners), but when – God-forbid – you need to actually watch the game and not just sit in a seat and take pictures to say, “Look where I was!” the sea of blue you see on TV is not people, but empty seats? What possesses the people of Florida – not just Tampa Bay, as the same phenomenon is occurring in both Miami and Jacksonville – to be apathetic toward something so community-driven that other cities would kill to have?

Let’s first take a look at some of the excuses and see if they can’t be debunked. The biggest excuse that people – mainly from Tampa and to the northeast – have is the time and distance. As a St. Pete resident of 6 years, I can safely say that argument is a load of crap. The worst direction to travel during either rush hour is toward Tampa. The bridges feed into Tampa’s overworked, outdated road system that can’t handle normal everyday traffic. Add the 5-10,000 extra vehicles that will appear on the Howard Frankland, Gandy, or Courtney Campbell bridges during that rush – in which most games are played, and no one would make it leaving at 5:30pm from Pinellas to the stadium, irregardless of the placement in the city, by opening pitch without pushing start times past 7:30pm; it will be near impossible to have Bob DuPry’s office to sign off on that. So, until TBARTA gets going, no place in the area will be convenient enough for everyone.

Speaking of TBARTA, the next issue is its location in general. Having been built in downtown St. Pete, which most consider “isolated” from the area since it’s on a peninsula, makes it that much more impossible to break that impervious across Tampa Bay known as the Hillsborough/Pinellas county line. However, a new study the ABC Coalition published today in the St. Petersburg Times shows 5 different locations and the population within 30 miles of each. Downtown St. Pete has the least, but at 2,245,129, it is within 100,000 of the “top spot”, Downtown Tampa. Also, with TBARTA planning to build a transportation hub right near the Trop location that will make it easily accessible by rail from Clearwater, Tampa, Brandon, Plant City, Wesley Chapel, and possibly New Port Richey, and express busses from northern Pinellas, Bradenton, Sarasota, Brooksville, Crystal River, Lakeland, and all points in between, Downtown St. Pete just became that much more attractive. Granted, it’ll take 5 years – if started today – for the first signs of TBARTA’s impact, but seeing as it takes 3-4 years to build a stadium when you don’t have a billion dollars to throw around like the Yankees and Mets, you need to consider those transportation nodes in the final decision of stadium location.

While we’re talking bottomless bank rolls, let’s talk another favorite topic: dollars and “sense”. Everyone said the original deal to put it on the waterfront for $450 million was “too expensive.” However, those same people arguing it will cost too much also want a $471 million rehab of Tropicana Field. To that I quote Carlos Mencia: “DEE-Dee-dee!!!” Thanks for “protecting our wallets” on that one, POWW. So, according to citizens of Tampa, it either needs to be in Tampa, since it’s the “population center” (which it’s geographically not; including Bradenton and Sarasota, that distinction belongs about 83rd Ave N and 4th St N in St. Pete), or at the very north end of St. Pete so people from Tampa “don’t need to drive as far.” However, there’s no city- or county-owned land up in the Gateway area, as that area of St. Pete is known, that doesn’t require mitigation; same goes with Tampa. So, if Tampa or Gateway are the “prime spots,” why would we up the price of the stadium by up to $150 million in land acquisition and/or landfill mitigation costs just to kowtow to the demands of an extra 100,000? I don’t know about you, but an investment of up to $1.5 million per person for people who may never go to a game seems like wasted money.

Another issue is the play on the field. “Why should I support a team that is barely over .500?” I’ll give you one major reason why: we went to the World Series last year. How’s that for a “what have you done for me lately” retort? They have a winning record! They’re playing surprisingly well in spite of major injuries that took out, for some length of time, the following people (in no particular order): Chad Bradford, Scott Kazmir, Troy Percival, Jason Isringhausen, Jason Bartlett, Aki Iwamura, Evan Longoria, and Pat Burrell (I’m sure I forgot some along the way, too). That’s almost a whole freakin’ team on the DL! Yet they’re three games over .500 – something that would have seemed like a Godsend 2 years ago – and are still within reach of the AL East crown. Granted, in every other division, 38-35 would be good enough for at least 3rd (2nd in the AL Central and NL East), but this isn’t every other division, and I think that’s why the fans are very fickle. However, it’s not excuse. Here’s a list of teams with worse records than us (as of Wednesday) that have better attendance averages (in order of attendance, records and place in division in parentheses): Cubs (34-34, 3rd), Mets (36-34, 2nd), Astros (32-37, 5th), Rockies (37-35, 3rd), Mariners (36-35, 3rd), Twins (36-37, 2nd), D-Backs (30-42, 5th), Braves (34-37, 4th), White Sox (34-37, 3rd), Padres (31-39, 4th), Reds (34-36, 3rd), and Royals (31-39, 4th). In fact, we are one of only two teams that have winning records that are in the bottom 20 – the other being the Marlins (37-36, 3rd) at 29th. See? It’s not just Tampa Bay with the attendance issues.

And that brings me to the bigger issue: are we, as Phloridians (again, my blog, my spelling rules), apathetic to sports in general? The only team that has had no attendance issues anywhere in Phlorida was the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, but that’s about to change with the loss of most of the season ticket holders due to the economy. So what is the root cause of it? What would create such an indifference to teams and franchises that areas like San Antonio, Portland, Hampton Roads, and especially Las Vegas are pushing hard to secure? Do we just, like the sun, sand, and surf, take them for granted that they’ll always be here? Or is it more of an inherent issue? I can honestly see the problem with hockey as a whole in the Sunshine State, as there is no history or pedigree throughout history here (one Stanley Cup doesn’t erase 70 years of isolation from the sport). However, football should be huge here, and it is: at the college level. The pro teams are struggling to fill seats; the Jags are on the verge of moving to Toronto (!) if revenue doesn’t pick back up, and with no naming rights to Jacksonville Municipal Stadium, I don’t foresee that happening in the near-term. The Dolphins are struggling in a tough division and can’t get enough people in the seats to expand the payroll and get better players. The Bucs’ waiting list evaporated almost overnight, and now they’re soliciting me to get a ticket package (just because I’m a Rays’ holder doesn’t mean I would support the team that embarrassed the Eagles in Philly twice in one year’s time). Baseball also has a long, storied history here, but mainly through Spring Training. But the excitement of March seems to quickly wear off as the attention spans of the natives get bored and move to the next big thing.

From this writer’s perspective, it seems like the main issue is Phlorida’s ingrained obsession with vanity. They do what they can, however they can, to be noticed. Look at South Beach as a prime example. In and of itself, it’s nothing more than a very nice beach town found at any oceanfront state (the Hamptons in New York, Avalon in New Jersey, Nags Head in North Carolina, Myrtle Beach in South Carolina, amongst many others). However, the rich and famous hang out there, songs like “Miami” by Will Smith celebrate it, and TV shows like “Burn Notice” make it a living, breathing character along side the cast. That’s why people feel the need to go to South Beach; not because the sand is made of gold or it houses the Fountain of Youth, but because they can be seen. Clearwater Beach has just as nice – if not better – beaches, and there’s just as much money in those condos as the condos on the other side of the state, but it’s not as glorified. Why? Because no one will see you there except for that tourist from Montreal. That’s why the Rays can sell out the playoffs, but can’t get rid of tickets for a World Series rematch. That’s why the Lightning set attendance records at the Thunderdome (now known as Tropicana Field) during the playoffs, but can’t get more than 7,000 people to attend an average game at the Forum (neé Ice Palace). That’s why the Jaguars haven’t sold out a game in almost a year, and the Magic, on their historic playoff run, couldn’t get a full house until the Finals. Unless people will notice you, Phloridians just can’t waste their time with trivialities like sports. But then, this argument doesn’t hold much water when, in California, the geographical center of vanity, the Dodgers and Lakers sell out games constantly, does it?

So, what is it? Why are sports as a whole, not just the Rays and their red-headed adopted son known as the Trop, neglected in this state? Why can a meaningless Spring Training series between the Rays and the Phillies in Philadelphia sell out (about 90K people over two games), but the same series in St. Pete with both teams fighting for position in their respective division can’t draw more than 60K people for three? What makes people spend more time in a bikini or swim trunks getting the early stages of melanoma instead of spending money on organizations that provide money and supplies to both youth and adult non-profit organizations alike? Why do we, as a state, demand new facilities and/or locations for these teams, only to shun them the same way we did before with the same tired excuses, just amended to fit the new situation?

As someone who loves sports, I can’t understand it. All I can understand is no matter where the Rays new stadium is built, be it Tampa, Downtown St. Pete, or an island in the middle of Tampa Bay with off ramps right off the Howard Frankland and hydrofoils from locations every 2 miles along the bay’s shoreline for those who don’t want to drive, some group will complain about the distance, the money, the team’s performance; you know, the same excuses that have been used for years. And that’s just how Phlorida is; nothing changes, no matter how many people you try to cater to.

Insane in the Membrane

President Barack Hussein Obama is a murderer! The man who ran on a campaign of "peace" and "change" took an innocent life - on film, no less! - and laughed as the carcass of his fallen enemy lain there on the carpet. No trial, no jury, no judge. He was the law at that moment, and because this harmless being simply "got on his nerves", he slew the helpless fool in cold blood. He could have at least imprisoned and then set him free, but no; Obama said, "Damn the Constitution!" and took its life. This man is deplorable and should be executed.

That's what our resident whack-jobs over at PETA what you to think, anyway. Why now, you ask? Oh? Did you not see the footage? Well, let me show you:



That's right, ladies and gentlemen; your president, the one (don't debate me on this statement, I don't wanna hear it on this post!) doing his best to clean up the mess both George W. Bush and Bill Clinton put us in is being accused, not of the typical, "left-wing liberal commie" crap, but killing an "innocent" fly by your friends at the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. My, oh my, talk about an organization that has lost its meaning.

PETA was started in 1980 as an organization dedicated to make sure four key things were monitored: 1.) Hollywood didn't mistreat animals, 2.) the fur trade was stopped, 3.) animal testing was either humanely done or stopped altogether, and 4.) farm animals were kept out of deplorable conditions. However, since the beginning, their methodology on safeguarding their core values has always been controversial. Throwing paint on fur coats, harassing lab workers in the streets, and suing movie lots are just some of the stunts this group has performed.

Once they realized this garnered them attention (like they say, bad publicity is better than none at all), they started to expand into the realm of the absurd, like suggesting fishing is the same as sticking a hook in your dog's eye, or eating beef is equivalent to dining on a monkey. They have even chastised sports athletes such as Shane Victorino for eating Spam, a much-maligned (yet pretty decent if cooked right) food considered a staple in his native Hawaii. But now, I can truly say I've seen it all.

They are sending President Obama a "humane fly trap" so he can catch the annoying pest that is known to carry diseases such as typhoid, cholera, and dysentery, and release it back into the wild. They said he should not "glorify" the killing of any creature and, as a role-model, should "know better."

(Before I continue, I want to point out I'm not at all against "animal rights" - thought I don't like that term. I love dogs and cats, and nothing should ever happen to them, such as beatings, over breeding, and even neglect; it breaks my heart to see that. However, there are some animals humans have used as food for 10,000 years, and until the last 150, did it humanely. I agree that furs from chinchillas shouldn't be harvested simply for a coat; the whole chinchilla should be used, either as dog food or helping to feed the homeless. Same thing goes for seal pelts and any other creatures that are useful to everyone. Over-harvesting is bad, too, and that should be monitored, or some animals will go the way of the dodo. But don't bitch at me for eating venison or call me a "murderer" because I have an ivory chess set. So long as it's done in an ecologically-sane and humane manner, we're the top of the food chain and we have every right to act that way.)

So, here's a solution I think most people can agree with: because there is a major over-population issue with this planet (6.4 billion and growing) and we're trying to rid ourselves of the idiots roaming around, why not round up every card-carrying member of PETA and anyone who believes their BS, put them all on some secluded island out in the Atlantic that no one lives at now, and drop a nuke on them. Solves three issues: 1.) reduces the population, 2.) gets rid of whack jobs, and 3.) shows countries like North Korea and Iran what actually happens with a nuke (since they apparently didn't study WWII history and forgot about Hiroshima and Nagasaki) and that we're not afraid to use it again.

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I'll leave you on a happier, less depressing shameless plug. This one is brought to you by my man Hopper, who is writing his first-ever-paid movie column today. Show him some love and go check it out! It's about Hollywood's latest comedy, Year One, and since it has Jack Black, you know it's going to be a tongue-in-cheek, witty, intelligent comedy. Now, if you're in St Pete, get out there and enjoy this beautiful morning before it turns oppressive later today. Word is, it's supposed to be 96° again today, with a heat index approaching 110°. Hope the A/C's working at your place! And if you're in Philly right now, don't forget your umbrella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh, cause it looks like it's gonna be on-and-off rain today. Stay cool/dry out there today!

Low-Speed Hijinx

Greetings and salutations, everyone! Enjoy the Rays complete and utter domination over De La Rosa last night? Well, here's a little surprise for you out there who thought you'd never see this: Pat Burrell will (most likely) start in right tonight! Going 11-16 against tonight's starter for the Rockies, Aaron Cook, will kinda make you all that more valuable. Considering he's fresh from rehab and sporting the new porn-star goatee (which I will get a pic of...promise!), it hopefully will be a sign of things to come. David Price is on the mound tonight, hoping to rebound from a win that was more ugly than some losses I've seen (while only getting a 2.37 ERA, he threw 105 pitches in only 4 1/3 innings and giving up 6 walks, though he did have 6 Ks, too). He, like Pat the Bat, will come around in time, I'm sure.

So, did you hear? SEPTA, our friendly neighborhood mass transit system up in Philly (more like the TBARTA will be than PSTA is) looks like it was the butt of a joke recently, and they seem none too thrilled. According to today's Inquirer, sometime overnight the pranksters placed a sign - of high-quality and pretty authentic-looking, I might say - with the following text on many of SEPTA's main routes:


Courtesy: DesignPhiladelphia

"The Southeastern Pennsylvania Transportation Authority (SEPTA) is committed to providing non-discriminatory transportation services to all of its passengers, including schizophrenics, drug addicts, Irish Catholics, hipsters, homos, prostitutes, gentrifying transplants, raging maniacs, tourists, obnoxious Penn students, corner boys, pimps, drunk rich kids who still think Old City is cool, and terrified suburbanites who tremble with unease at the sight of everyone.

"Any person who is or seeks to be a patron of any SEPTA public vehicle shall be entitled to the same depressing experience of loud cell phones, obese people eating McDonalds, parents telling their toddlers to "Shut the Fuck Up!", and a constant inch-deep layer of urine-soaked trash and debris.

"No person or group of persons shall be discriminated against on any grounds with regard to routing, scheduling, or quality of transportation service furnished by SEPTA, with the following exceptions - race, color, socioeconomic status, and proximity to the suburbs.

"Any person who has experienced a cleaner, more efficient, more extensive, and better managed public transportation system in the U.S. (e.g. most if not all) can feel free to notify SEPTA about potential improvements, which shall promptly be ignored."

Apparently, these jokers have been practicing for a while, because they were able to get these pretty large signs up and under the protective glass where the advertisements usually peer upon said groups. Keep in mind I'm not easily offended, but from a practical joke standpoint, that was pretty damn funny! I can see why SEPTA would be offended, but let's face it; if they'd clean up the problems they're being lampooned over in the first place, this wouldn't be nearly as comical. But anyone who's ridden the El knows what I'm talking about: it's funny because it's true!

I'm not saying it's a bad thing, mind you, because those groups listed make it a diverse and interesting ride. In fact, I can't wait until TBARTA (God, I hope they change the name; that's a mouthful!) gets going and I can experience the atmosphere it will showcase. You really can't experience a region's true identity until you've taken a trip on its mass transit system, and seeing as we have really nothing here in Tampa Bay - except for sketchy, local bus-only companies like PSTA, HART, PCPT - tourists not only don't get the full extent of our rich culture and heritage, but they also get nowhere fast without renting a car.

(Side note and shameless plug for a fellow blogger: to get the full extent of what a mass transit system means to a region, check out the great piece my man Brad Maule over at PhillySkyline.com did on SEPTA and the Independence Pass. It gives you an idea of what I mean about mass transit showcasing the culture - both really good and brutally honest - of an area. Great work on that, Brad and the rest of the gang over there!)

So, do I think the "rapscallions" who did this deserve to be punished? If only for vandalism - since it is private property - and not anything regarding their "potentially offensive" language. Are they right about it? In a broad aspect, yes, but not to the level they took it. Is it hysterical? Abso-freakin-lutely! If I ever saw them on a train down here doing that, I wouldn't help them, but you're damn right I'd cheer them on! Everyone needs a good laugh once in a while, even at the expense of your self-dignity. Nothing's funnier than pointing out your own flaws, trust me.

Alright, kids. Two games tonight at the same bat times as last night, but different bat channel for the Phils - only outside the Delaware Valley and Greater Toronto, however - who play the Blue Jays (which, besides being a Phils phan, needs them to win so the Rays can take sole possession of 3rd) at 7:05 on ESPN (CSN in Philly, SNET in Toronto). The Rays play the Rockies again @ 8:40 EDT on Sun Sports in Tampa Bay/FSN in Denver. Speaking of the Mile-High City, if youre in the area, don't forget to get your free meal from Johnny's New York Pizza and Pasta Store in Lakewood; just wear your Rays blue & gold today only to get dinner on the house. Talk of food's making me hungry...you think they deliver to St. Pete?

- Big thanks goes out to Kevin Derrick over at DesignPhiladelphia for the SEPTA sign pic!